Sven.

Sven is a cockroach who lives in my room.

To be fair, I did move into his house, so I tried to be as courteous as possible. Sven however, is a terrible roommate.

Day 1:

I move into my new room. After unpacking, I spotted my new compadre. We didn’t exactly start off on the right foot (almost literally. I took my shoe off, threw it at him and missed). He seemed fairly harmless and kept to himself so I decided to leave him be.

Day 2:

My first night was spent waking up every few hours to see if Sven had moved. He hadn’t. Lucky me. He is a little messy though…he has already left a few clothes/old body parts on the floor.

Day 3:

AM: Sven has switched positions. Almost a 180.

PM: I return home to see that Sven has invited a friend over. This is not okay with me- I received no prior notice of this matter. This resulted in me yelling out loud “THAT BETTER BE A FUCKING EXOSKELETON, SVEN, OR I’M GONNA KILL HIM” This caused my host mom to knock on my door to make sure everything was okay. Needless to say, I kicked his friend to the curb.

Day 4:

AM: Apparently Sven’s misconduct has gotten the best of him. I can’t find him, I can only assume that he is extremely angry with me and has left.

PM: Sven is back and more aggressive than ever. He is now in the middle left hand corner of my wall. I can see his antennas twitch with each evil plan he plots. Tonight I will sacrifice two goats and burn the hair of lepers to win the protection of the gods.

SPECIAL UPDATE 11:13PM: SVEN IS GONE. HE’S GOING TO CRAWL ON ME IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT AND SCUTTLE ALL OVER MY FACE.  I HATE HIM WITH ALL MY BEING.

Day 5:

AM: Sven means business and ambushed me at approximately 6:40am. I however was expecting this. He flew from his corner and into my hair. I ran outside screaming like a girl where he finally let go. I ran back inside where he then squeezed under the door and hid under my bed. This is my personal 9/11.